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Once I wrote...

23rd. Jul, 2012 | 07:46 pm
How am I feeling?: crazycrazy

Now, of course, I can see that every decision we make is directly influenced by every decision and everything that happens around me for my life up to that point. Everything I am _aware_ of. Now that's a strange concept to get my head around.

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The Western world, and charity

17th. Nov, 2010 | 06:19 pm
Where am I?: York
How am I feeling?: grumpygrumpy

We were brought up to believe that our £5, or even our £100, won't make any difference to the world's unfairness. However, this argument is fundamentally flawed: it doesn't matter what happens in the world. We get one roll of the dice, and what we experience is far more related to our decisions than what's going on in the rest of the world. Besides, try telling that kid who got beat up every other day for the last 5 years that your £100 didn't make a difference to his world. This life isn't about what everyone else does: it's about what you do.

Context: I was recently offered a 'gift' to cover me, by someone who is a lot more comfortable financially than me. I made a mistake, because I've not had a landline or broadband for so long I totally forgot they'd be taking £122 out this month (re-activating phone line), and bought myself a new raincoat for Colombia.  I declined, because I realised a) it's my own stupid fault, and b) there are plenty of others out there who need charitable moneys more than I do! So, I got it on a loan instead. Then I realised much the same about most of the other things I've ever been given - I'd much rather create potential in the world with that money, than destroy it by lining the pockets of those who designed the shit (let's not pull our punches) and sold it extortionately to those looking to buy a nice gift for someone. So, on with life, ideals, and who said they're unrealistic? There are thousands of causes, each one fought for by people who _do_ live by those ideals and have fantastic lives. Western society teaches us to line the pockets of the rich. I say screw you.

Over and out.
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If you really love someone,

19th. Jul, 2010 | 07:28 am
How am I feeling?: chipperchipper

Take it slow.
I don't mean, try taking it slow then give up and get intimate...
I mean, take it slow. Flirt, court, go out, savour wondering if you're going to kiss them or not.
You don't get another chance after you've found someone you want to stick with for the rest of your life, unless you're like the most luckiest person in the world (aka me)...
Top tip for the year/decade.

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20th. Apr, 2010 | 03:10 pm
How am I feeling?: crushedcrushed

I like my vroom vroom.
I don't want to have to sell it off next year.
I don't want to have £15pw to spend on food, for working my socks off til I'm completely frazzled.
In short, I want what I deserve.
It doesn't seem to be forthcoming.

Maybe I will be forced to resign.

If so I will sell all my worldly belongings, and reside in a field.

When banks stop looking for me, then I will get a job again and try living truly minimilistically = in a box, like 2nd and 3rd yr uni.


Now begins my life. Now I have time to do something about it, as I will be home for 4.30 every day. Until the boss decides to withdraw the 'flexibility' he offered me at interview and has still never existed.


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The system/driving

1st. Apr, 2010 | 10:24 pm
How am I feeling?: depresseddepressed

I have reached the climax of the system: you go for gcse's - they're supposed to open so many doors. Then, you get into the a-levels you didn't want, because they couldn't timetable the ones you wanted. You do ok, and it opens a couple of doors you maybe wouldn't otherwise have had open, e.g. specific uni's - most would've let you in anyway though. Then, you get a degree - this opens a minimally small number of doors, and you're starting to think it's all one big con. Then it comes to earning your own money, and learning to drive. This costs you £2,500 which you couldn't afford so is borrowed, and at the end it opens a total ZERO doors, because you can't afford the insurance on a car even if someone *gives* it to you. So, champagne, anyone? somehow, i doubt this picture will be any happier in the morning.

Having a piece of paper that cost you £2500 and is in fact worth nothing to you, hurts. Having to pay back said £2500 over the next 16 months whilst *not* driving a car you cannot afford, also hurts.

And I was just starting to think I'd learnt a lot about control, obsession, fear and so on from supersize vs. superskinny (but applying it to money, don't worry people), and then BAM. Explosion.

I knew I couldn't afford it, but was under the understanding dad would loan me car and insurance, until work finally do my 'annual' pay review. at this rate it'll only be 6mths until my 2nd one,the 1st is so late!! Risky business for us both :*( Mostly for him though...

I love the system.
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scrappage scheme

31st. Jan, 2010 | 10:50 am

Finally figured out what the scrappage scheme is/was for: an attempt to win support from those who might otherwise have voted conservative (yes, Labour Brown became Tory Blair for a moment). Conservative voters would normally be the types who would buy their darling son/daughter a new car when they came of age, but this year (and last) it's been ever so slightly more difficult to stump up that cash. So, labour being genius' that they are (ha ha) decided to make it a little bit easier for them - take the cheap, intermediate step of an older car (with bonus of cheaper first year insurance) and then make less of a payment than before to get them that brand new car.

It doesn't help the people Labour say they're trying to help one iota: yes, buying a new car is clearly worth it, but if you only just managed to find a grand for a heap-o-junk (these are the people Labour are claiming to look after), where the hell is the other 5(minimum) gonna come from to scrap it and get a new car?? Most people don't have random sources of that kind of cash - but those who've always had it seem incapable of believing that some people simply do not have it to hand - no matter how 'worth it' it is...

I've said most of that before, but didn't twig that it's there to gain a little bit of warmth from otherwise conservative voters...

Good enough procrastination for ye?

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RC Car

14th. Dec, 2009 | 01:38 pm
How am I feeling?: anxiousanxious

Hi all,

Tyco or Nikko or someone produced an RC car a while back, that had big wheels and a slim body, so it could run both ways up. I think one side was red, one side yellow - I want to find it for a secret santa present for someone at work, but I can't! Nowhere seems to have any record of flippable, reversible, upside-down cars that are less than £40! This one was £40 when it came out a few years ago... :/

Help? Pretty please? x

[Edit] Found one.

But I wanted it to be £5 or less... :/

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Politics :/

10th. Dec, 2009 | 02:46 pm
Where am I?: work

Media spin -> people dislike the 'new' policies from pre-budget time (1% increase in NI, for instance). If he doesn't do that now, we'll have to fork for a 3% rise in a couple of yrs instead. WAKE UP PPL IT'S SIMPLES... ... ... Oh and bank bonus tax lol - it's not luddite politicians that want it, it's luddite Brits!! ...

Conclusion: media -> dumb population. Me has no media influence other than every few days 'someone got raped' 'rapist caught' 'murder happened' on the board outside the newsagent... -> me clever :D
36 minutes ago · Delete

Oh and bank bonuses - thankfully last night Radio4 put the amount saved by a 50% tax on them next to the amount raised by a 1% increase - dwarfed. Totally dwarfed. British public = moronic fail.

Oh and Cameron==joke. Please people, these are _actions_ that are for _better_. We could sit here like lemons and do nothing (Cameron's main plan), or we could do stuff to halt the slide (what the current plans are for) and then build on that in future.


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I must...

27th. Oct, 2009 | 09:48 pm
How am I feeling?: crappycrappy

Start letting people down.  I feel terrible.  I can't do everything, and my life is a mess at the moment.   However, I believe what has been had to be, and that is the way of all things.  Everything works out.  If you can want the best for everyone, the best for everyone will happen.  If you can't find the ability to do that, then it will not.  Or, if you can't find it simply because you're miserable, but have found it most of the time in the past, then other people will step in for you and make the bits you can't bring yourself to want happen anyway.  Especially the families of those you're letting down - families are awesome like that :=)

Now, for the real post. Alarm in house opposite. Went off most of last night. Going off again now. Slept through it last night fine - it started while I was asleep. Getting to sleep with it going is another matter entirely. What the hell do I do??



my head hurts

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Backward causation?

17th. Oct, 2009 | 12:08 pm

Nielsen (string theorist, renowned) and Ninomiya (probably also string theorist, renowned) proposed backward causation. Let's say the world has a set of possible futures, each with probability Pn (n indicating which future we're talking about). Let's also say that this probability depends (at least to an extent) on what's in each of those futures - e.g. sun exploding tomorrow is extremely unlikely, whereas me doing nothing all day is highly likely. So this sounds slightly reasonable so far - although it actually implies a priori a need for backward causation: the contents of the future dictate (or at least limit) past events.

Now, look at futures with Higgs bosons created. They propose that these futures are unlikely, because they haven't been created yet (sketchy argument...).

So, they're suggesting that the probability of a machine being created that successfully creates a Higgs is low (currently true, but how long before technology renders it false?), whereas the probability of such a machine breaking, or being stopped early because of funding cuts is much higher. The problem: ISR - a particle collider where created particles are stored for a long time. This worked successfully, with no such 'bad luck' coming from the future.

Still, they say that as long as magnetic monopoles exist ("a mild assumption"), their model can still hold under certain circumstances - despite the obvious failure above.

Basically, this sentence from their Dec 2007 paper sums it up: "The experiment proposed ... is to give "foresight", a chance of avoiding forced closure of the LHC due to lack of funding or other bad luck". I.e. a funding bid ^_^

The one possibly interesting part is that they claim to have got from their model to the second law of thermodynamics (well accepted as one of the fundamental laws of nature) as one of its limits. Even so, this isn't too hard to do if you choose your start point and route of analysis carefully...

So, yes they're serious, but I think they're just playing with equations to try to keep the funding there... 

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The beard is gone... Prickliness ensues...

20th. Sep, 2009 | 05:47 am

For the first time in far too long, I felt like writing. But not about me - about slugs.

A Slug's Life

So there's this slug, right, called Bert. He's quite a superstitious slug, despite enjoying figuring out how things work and being surprisingly scientific about it.

The slugs of his town are called together for a meeting, because of some disquiet about how slugs simply disappear all of a sudden, and randomly seem to die without a trace of illness. They are naturally becoming worried about it, and want some explanations.

So, it comes to Bert's time to speak and he pipes up:
"I believe there is something in the legend of the almighty feet. These come down from the sky faster than we can see, and crush us. Some of us even stick to the foot (singular) and are carried away. This explains all of the things that our fellow slugs are afraid of."

A chorus of "Hear hear"s went around the place, for slugs are naturally superstitious creatures: much about their surroundings cannot be explained by their slow sense of sight.

The counsel leader explained calmly that any number of other possibilities could explain such occurrences, and that the slugs should not worry.

But Bert coughed and asked permission to determine whether or not the almighty feet really were the cause of the problem.

So, off he went asking the elder slugs whether they'd ever caught a glimpse of them, and doing some research into the matter.

A week later, the counsel reconvened; and Bert was able to give his report:
"Now then. I have spoken with the elders, and they have confirmed our suspicions about the almighty feet. Some have been lucky enough to see one, and yet escaped its perils. Also, I have conducted a study into the number of us who disappear or die without illness, during daylight hours or at night. This study has proved with statistical significance (p=0.03) that more of us die like this during daylight hours, than at night time. My study excluded the factor of most of us being curled up in corners asleep in the daytime, using robust methods from ancient slugbooks. So it would seem, that the almighty feet are born by diurnal species. Thus, we should limit our activities to night time, to avoid these sudden deaths."

The counsel was stunned by this speech, but one of the brighter slugs congratulated him in successfully proving that the almighty feet were indeed killing off their kind, and also for finding such an elegant solution. This approval swept across the place like fire, and the slugs united together in their nocturnal activities.

Sure enough, less were found dead or missing in the coming weeks, and Bert was hailed a hero.

Why don't we think like that? About things we cannot see, hear, taste, feel, etc.? If we look into the slug's limited capabilities, we can extrapolate our findings as to what could be done in their situation to improve their chances, and apply the results to our lives. I'm sure something interesting would come of it!! =)

I'm in a strange mood just now.....

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I was wrapped up in myself tonight.

6th. Sep, 2009 | 02:23 am
Where am I?: Sheffield! :D
How am I feeling?: accomplishedaccomplished

George was the only one who wasn't - but only til the end. 3 of us were talking relationships, anna was madly in love but the guy's found what he wants in someone else now. I just got closure, and shared the relevant bits. I had a theory of love is for everyone, which george extended and anna wanted to know more. She was curious about me a lot of the evening i think, and we three shared a lot about ourselves. So, much as i'd love to be the sensitive guy who's more than just a shoulder, i'll have to refrain because i think she's beautiful and we match amazingly well. So there'd be a vested interest which would render any future useless. Tricky one to handle. I am so sorry for her. We could say anything to each other. She wasn't comfortable crying, but hey. Maybe we'll talk somehow. Night all, i'm so glad i came even though getting here was a nightmare and the wind told me to go home and do my poster! So so glad. They're all scientist-musician types too! So we had much to talk about :D fantastic bunch if ever i met one.

[Edit] There's actually very little else I can say, surprisingly. But, I'm in York and she's in Sheffield. Apparently it's been 6 months already, which could mean she's put out by a couple of years potentially. In which case I would be so happy to take her around the world after my masters... But 'til then I'm free to do what I like. I think I'll talk to her, and wherever the conversation goes it goes. I won't talk with a mind to helping her along the way to solving all her problems. Just, talk. Like friends. _Real_ friends. =) I can't believe there are so many awesome people in that circle!! I want one :P

Well well, who'd have thought freedom opened up so much possibility?? :/ I'm going to finish up buying stuff - kayak, bow, ... that might be about it... and then save like mad. I want to go places and do romantic things, and I want someone to do that with. Maybe at the end of my masters, in 2yrs. Nice. Oh and all my stuff could be locked up in a storage box someplace while I'm gone. Maaaybe I could buy a Smart car and sell it after 2yrs, to pay off the loan, and then it would all be good! :/

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I learnt some things today

22nd. Aug, 2009 | 11:53 pm
How am I feeling?: cynicalcynical

1. I don't speak DOS.
2. Vista has a handy shrink feature that means you get free extra space you can convert to extra drives (partitions that look like drives) so you can install new OS's on (or old ones!) - without reformatting the whole thing :)
3. You can only have 3 of these partitions on each drive.
4. No, booting from USB does *not* work. I should've learnt this last time.
5. Erm, learning nothing about diffraction enhanced imaging is bad.
6. Formatting disk drives over and over along with many reboots eats your life.
7. I really wish I wasn't so close to solving this God-forsaken problem now...
8. The flamin' HP USB Bootable thingy seems to work now :/
9. The tireder I get, the quicker lappy seems to boot - maybe I'm drifting off into micro sleeps? ...

I have Vista on C:
I have Win7 on D:
I have the install files for Win2k on H:
(Those are my 3 partitions)

I am downloading have downloaded the [useless] recovery disc for Vista so I can [NOT] get the 2 files that are 'missing' (corrupt/damaged) in the Win2k setup. Damn I'll have to try this dubious fix... :( Mucking around with boot.ini sounds scary as it's 'fixing' the boot sector of a drive - and I can't quite tell which drive...
Win2k comes up at startup and asks if I want to boot it.
I think I just need those 2 lil files out of Vista's entire disc. Shame it's P2P so could take all night :/
So, bed! unless lappy has magically connected to more than one of the 2000 people seeding this thing...
[Edit] I'm still on one person, but it'll be 50min at this rate. If I get another person like this, it'll be 25min. Can't decide whether to wait up... :(

[Edit] Clearly I waited up. Clearly it all went to poo. The usb disk with win2k finally boots, but won't install. Same story with my partition. And as for the dubious fix - it's too far over my head and I can't find a decent step by step easily enough at this time of night. So, I give  up. For now. You may have won the fight this time, but you ain't won the battle you Microsoft you...

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Officially dumping Firefox

20th. Aug, 2009 | 08:34 am
How am I feeling?: crankycranky

OK I use FF Preloader, running at startup.  It takes me about 5 times of clicking on FF, waiting forever while it opens, then seeing a few Google's pop up for a second and disappearing. Next if I try to run it again, it says there's already a window open that's not responding.  This morning, I left it with only its startup instance to run, and it failed. Completely. Screw this - time for Opera. And to figure out how to export my bookmarks. Damn. *cries*

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Plethora of Unknowns

15th. Aug, 2009 | 05:36 pm
How am I feeling?: cheerfulcheerful

I just risked my neck for my favourite shorts!
Wanna ride in them tomo, so washed them today.
It started to rain so I brought everything in, but then sun came out so I put my fav shorts out again.
Then, the clouds came.
Something in the back of my mind said I should do something about that but I couldn't think what.
Then it began chucking it down mega stylee.
And I totally pegged it 4 steps at a time downstairs and out to rip the pegs off (probably now broken) and get them in.
I'm drenched.
Shorts ok tho  =)

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OK here goes, a proper post...

31st. Jul, 2009 | 12:54 am
How am I feeling?: crankycranky

I haven't written properly in a while: a rounded post about life, so I thought I'd give it a go. I can't sleep, despite having to go to work in 6hrs.

Nope, nothing. There are amusing photie's on facebook though... darkeyes_lewj put them up =)

Sleep may finaly be knocking on my door. I will go heed its call. Not that I'll be able to sleep directly after looking at a screen, but hey I'll give it a shot.


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I'm talking to my niece

27th. Jul, 2009 | 08:51 pm

She lives in Colombia!! XD

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26th. Jul, 2009 | 11:45 am

I have a fast metabolism. Last week, I missed dinner for 4 nights - just had the equivalent of a sandwich, and a whisky. I lost weight. My ribs could be seen again normally, and I had no handful of fat when I pulled my tummy in - just a pinch between finger and thumb, at most. That's pretty scary!! I will eat better from now on :) Learning is good...

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Hallmark cards have 60% off everything for first orders

26th. Jul, 2009 | 10:31 am
How am I feeling?: ecstaticecstatic

TRYUSNOW is the voucher code.
It seems to be one card only, rather than 60% off your whole order... Still, nice offer :)

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Suction Cups

2nd. Mar, 2009 | 03:57 pm
How am I feeling?: confusedconfused

Anyone know where I might be able to source these in bulk? Nissin suction cup flash shoe. They seem like amazingly useful items, and I want to buy lots of new ones for a project at work. However, I can't find anything like it! Suction cups with a thumb-press lever basically, but the only thing I've found like it is for flash gun positioning, so I thought I'd ask you knowledgeable people :)

Why does Google always draw blanks on the best things?? :/


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